The Transition to Motherhood: When Adjustment Feels Overwhelming

Becoming a mother is one of the most profound transitions we can go through. Alongside the joy and love, there can also be exhaustion, self-doubt, and moments of feeling completely overwhelmed.

As psychologists and mothers ourselves, we’ve experienced firsthand how big these changes can feel. Many women we meet describe wondering: “Is this normal? Or is something wrong with me?” If you’ve ever felt that way, you are far from alone.

The First Weeks: Baby Blues vs. Something More

It’s very common for new mothers to experience what’s often called the “baby blues.” Research shows that up to 80% of new mums go through this: mood swings, tearfulness, irritability, and anxiety within the first week or two after birth. This is largely due to hormonal shifts, sleep deprivation, and the enormous adjustment of caring for a newborn.

Usually, the baby blues pass after a couple of weeks. But if these feelings don’t ease – or they start to interfere with your daily life – it may be a sign of postnatal depression or anxiety.

Some risk factors can increase vulnerability, such as:

• Returning to high-pressure professional roles quickly after birth

• Parenting multiples (twins, triplets, etc.)

• Having a history of anxiety, depression, or trauma

The key thing to remember is that this is not your fault, and support is available.

Sleep Deprivation and Its Impact

Nothing can truly prepare you for the broken sleep of those early months. The cycle of feeding, burping, changing, and trying to settle a newborn means most parents are running on fragments of rest.

Sleep deprivation can cause:

• Memory lapses

• Irritability and emotional reactivity (“mum rage” is very real)

• Heightened anxiety or intrusive thoughts

• Distorted perceptions, such as thinking you hear your baby crying in the shower when they’re sound asleep

Most of the time, these strange experiences are a normal result of exhaustion. But if they become frightening, or you find it hard to distinguish between reality and imagination, it’s important to seek professional help.

The Pressure to Be “Good Enough”

Many mothers share feelings of not measuring up – to other mums, to social media “experts,” or to their own internal expectations. Perfectionism can be especially hard in motherhood, because there’s no way to get everything “right.”

Balancing multiple roles – whether it’s returning to work, caring for older children, or trying to keep up with household responsibilities – often leaves women feeling like they’re failing at everything. This is a heavy load of guilt to carry, but it’s important to know: struggling does not make you a bad mother. It makes you human.

Signs You May Need Extra Support

While ups and downs are part of early motherhood, there are times when reaching out for help is crucial. Please seek support if you notice:

• Persistent sadness or frequent crying spells

• Feeling detached from yourself or “just surviving”

• Panic attacks or constant worry

• Difficulty bonding with your baby

• Thoughts of harming yourself or your baby

You do not need to wait until things feel unbearable. Reaching out early can make a huge difference for you and your whānau.

Where to Find Support in New Zealand

If any of this resonates with you, here are some helpful resources:

• PlunketLine (0800 933 922): 24/7 advice from registered nurses

• Mothers Matter NZ: Support services for maternal mental health

• Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Aotearoa (PADA): Information and resources for parents and professionals

• Healthline (0800 611 116): Free health advice, day or night

• GP or Midwife: Your first point of contact for mental health concerns

• In emergencies: If you are worried about your immediate safety or your baby’s, call 111

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A Gentle Reminder

Adjusting to motherhood takes time. You are learning new skills in the middle of sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, and huge life shifts. Struggling does not mean you are weak – it means you are human.

Seeking help is not just for your wellbeing, but also for your baby’s. When you’re supported, it strengthens your bond and helps your whole family thrive.

Be gentle with yourself. You’re not alone. And you deserve support.